This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
