ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
