Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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