I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
