My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you didnt know i had herpes?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Everclear isn't food dammit
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
