so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize