When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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