dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
