And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize