she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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