last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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