If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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