so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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