Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
