dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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