Got a toothbrush?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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