You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
