1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
