Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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