Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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