I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
