I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
