so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
