I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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