ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize