Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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