How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
