I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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