I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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