Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
