She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
