$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
