You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
