What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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