If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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