Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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