I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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