I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize