Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize