Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
