He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
