Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
