Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize