You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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