Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
