Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
