absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize