i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
