i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
