I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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