i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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