found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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