I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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