I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
