We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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