probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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