happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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