my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
