The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
either way he was missing a nipple.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
