i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
