Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
