I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
