so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
