Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
