I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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