the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
