Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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