Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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