I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
