I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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