and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
