it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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