Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
