Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
FUCK WHALES
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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