So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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