i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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