So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
