i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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