Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
