nut hugger
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My feet surprised me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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