I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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