one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
