Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need water and some morals
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