obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
