Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize