now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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