I saw his package. It spoke to me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
