I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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