Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
