he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
