Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
