Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
