I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
