She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
